don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
