WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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