when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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