my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Send help, water and tortillas.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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