I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
