So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
