Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
