Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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