I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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