So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
