is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
