the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
