Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
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