The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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