Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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