did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
