I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
