hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i've created a new STD.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
