my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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