You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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