I didn't shave. On purpose
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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