considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
