I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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