this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
