Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
