where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
