if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
