So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
