Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
