wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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