We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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