you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
