that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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