i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize