You just made me feel so damn special
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
