I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
