People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
