so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
