when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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