Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize