is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
