Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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