Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
40s are totally the cure
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize