So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
