we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
