I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
