When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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