Where did you get a picture of my penis
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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