It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
