It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
