don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
