hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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