I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
