I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
