i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
