We won't sleep together?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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