If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
