I can feel you judging me through the phone.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
