The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
