I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
