god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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