my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
